Couples tips: How much time should you spend with your lover?

0 comments / Posted on by Christine R

Every couple is different from the last. The question about time spent together really depends on individuals.  Some partners thrive off of every moment together and despise being apart. Others need their alone time and appreciate their independence. Some just need that perfect balance. As the relationship progresses, both partners will have to come up with a workable schedule to create ample time.

The goal, of course, is to find a balance in which both members of the couple are happy with the time they spend together, maintain their outside friendships and family relationships, make progress towards their professional goals, and give the relationship a chance to flourish. That’s a lot to balance. Here are a few tips to help:

Check in with your new partner.

The best way to see if you are devoting enough time to your relationship is to ask. Learn what your new partner needs and create a pace of increasing interdependence that works well for both of you.

Recognize the ebb and flow.

As a new relationship evolves towards a committed relationship, the ebb and flow of different life stressors will translate into an ebb and flow of how much energy at any given time point each member of the couple can give to the relationship. As the relationship becomes the center of individuals’ lives, it becomes increasingly important to seize chances to nourish it with quality time together, while giving each partner the space they need to be the best partner they can in the relationship.

Acknowledge individual differences.

People need different levels of time with their partner.  Classic attachment theory research has shown that individuals oriented towards anxiety in relationships crave a great deal of time with their partners while individuals oriented towards avoidance often prioritize independence (Hazan & Shaver, 1987). Don't expect your partner to mirror your needs.

Listen to your friends.

Friends are not only support systems; their opinions of your relationship predict your relationship success (Sprecher, 2011). Find ways to stay connected with your friends when you start a new relationship. Integrating your new partner into your friend group is a great way to maintain connected with your friends, while giving your relationship a new context in which to grow and develop.

Keep a Date Night on the calendar.

When work and other obligations take over the schedule, finding ways to keep your relationship a priority can make a difference. Offer your partner clear expectations for your availability during these windows of increased work pressure and hold up your end of the bargain by looking forward to a special night out or weekend away. You can also bring them a cute gift like a personalized relationship accessories to remind them of you whenever you are not around.

The goal, of course, is to find a balance in which both members of the couple are happy with the time they spend together, maintain their outside friendships and family relationships, make progress towards their professional goals, and give the relationship a chance to flourish. That’s a lot to balance. For more relationship blogs checked out our website

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